irritations

so, surprise, surprise: my laptop is working again. and that forces me to feel way guilty about any potential computer purchase. i don't know what andy did, but he messed with the battery and cords and other accessories and got it to turn back on. i almost wish it would have just stayed out of commission. true, the enormity of a new laptop purchase was weighing on me a lot, but i really do, in my heart of hearts, think i need a computer that doesn't need two day power-naps in order to function (read: run until it decides to overheat and shut down). i just don't know if i can justify buying a new one when this one technically works. and that is precisely what i've been saying for about a year. dammit.

last night, i had to work from 6 pm to 8:45 pm. there was a performance in royce and i had to work will call. we gave tickets to the actress amy brennaman, who was in that show i never watched "judging amy". she was judge. isn't that such a clever name? when i finally got my ass back home after a way long day, i realized i lost my giant turquoise ring, the one i bought in mexico and loved, mostly because it was the jewel to end all jewels. at this point, my computer wasn't working, i had a fat paper to write (and i still do), i was tired and stressed out, and losing that ring, as insignificant as it sounds, made me so upset. i had a mini-breakdown in the bathroom, because the apartment was crawling with roommates, and then went into the kitchen and ate some cookies. i feel guilty about the cookies.

after i'd used food as a crutch, i used mad's computer to write my article for the flying squirrel (something else that i hadn't gotten around to doing for days), and then andy "fixed" my computer, as tentative as that statement may be. i was able to back up all my pictures, make sure nothing was destroyed and also talk to people online (i still cannot believe that not having AIM was so irritating for me). and then, as i was getting into bed last night, i rearranged my comforter and my huge turquoise ring flew off my bed and bounced around on the ground.

it was so amazing to find that jewel, as stupid as i'm sure that sounds. and i know that my problems pale in comparison to any real issues, but i haven't felt that overwhelmed in a long time. i don't want to blame work for my not studying as much as i could, because it's not like i'm working building walls or digging ditches or something. i answer phones and it shouldn't exhaust me like it does. mostly, i blame the crazy food schedule, because i basically don't eat between the maybe-food i consume as i leave the apartment in the morning (and even that is rare), and when i get home at around five (if i'm lucky and don't have work/meetings). i guess i need to figure out a good way to balance everything.

the point is, i went to sleep much more ok with my life than i was when i got back to the apartment last night. and i can't complain about that.