Sunday, October 22, 2006

angsty

i need to have more insane adventures. i don't have nearly enough of them. i've got the random encounters covered, but i rarely ever go anywhere crazy. steve told me today about how he "ran away" to san francisco this weekend, and i'm a little jealous of that. ok, a lot jealous. last weekend, when i was home for melissa's birthday, i told my dad about how some people wanted me to sign up to go to israel this winter break, but that i decided not to for lots of reasons, not the least of which being that the situation in israel scares me. then, my dad and my grandpa proceeded to tell me that being scared of things shouldn't stop me from doing them, which was just about the most infuriating thing i've ever heard, considering my grandpa is pretty famous for his spain pro/con list, in which "moroccan white slavery" and "rape" were very real concerns. in june, i lost count of how many times my dad called my summer hopes "irresponsible" and "immature." basically, the two of them threw the most incredible shit-fit this summer to stop me from escaping to europe, and then sat with me the other day and told me, straight-faced, that i should have booked a flight to the middle east. it was insane.

but i guess the point is that i want to go on adventures. i'm infinitely upset at myself for not just doing what i wanted this past summer.

god, that's so angsty.

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