i don't think i ever realized how much i've come to depend on the accutane until the last couple of days, when i couldn't get my prescription filled due to the insane run-around and hadn't taken any pills for six days (i still haven't). so much of myself has been wrapped up in this being a miracle drug (because, thus far, it has been). it makes me physically sick that even though i'm doing everything i should and not doing everything i shouldn't and am taking all the tests i should and calling all the right people, i'm still getting owned. it makes me freak out because i can't understand why the doctor and the pharmacist and my parents can't just let me have it (by doing whatever's in their power to get it to me). i know that probably sounds stupid and selfish and ridiculous, but i swear, so much of my happiness is tied to the idea of my getting rid of this skin issue once and for all, and i can't handle the prospect of my progress being stalled or reversed because of some fucking stupid things that are completely out of my control. my mom told me just now on the phone that i need to stop "expecting everyone to do everything for me," which only served to get me really angry at her, because i've asked her to do nothing for me except pick up the medication, because i'm not physically able to do it (seeing as i live in westwood). i don't even ask her to empathetic, even though that would really nice.
i'm kinda a wreck.
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