today was another one of those days when i had absolutely no time to just chill out and breathe for a second. i worked, went to class, worked, worked again an hour later selling tickets for a basketball game, went to bradley international to "help" claire cook for food not bombs (i kinda just hang out with claire), went to food not bombs, and got home and had a fight with andy about how fucking cold he always makes this apartment. (it's subzero outside, and he had the air conditioner turned on in here). it is now 1:30 am, and i'm sitting down for the first time in hours.
i love food not bombs. udeitha came with us tonight, and i love sharing it with other people. it's an amazing thing to say you've done. we get a ton of food donated from restaurants and then take it to santa monica and distribute it to the homeless. when i started last year, it completely erased any stereotypes and misconceptions i had about homelessness and the people who are forced to live it every day. all these people want is to be acknowledged as people, and they are so grateful that, once a week, we come to talk to them and make them feel human again. god, that sounds so trite. the internet isn't a very good conduit of emotion.
this day included two costume changes. i got to wear the outfit i spent too much money on yesterday, when i had to buy "khaki pants and a white polo shirt" for working at athletic events. i went immediately to american eagle, partially because i knew exactly where one was and how to take the bus to it, and partially because i assumed if i couldn't find khaki-colored pants and a polo shirt in american eagle, i was doomed. the most exciting part of the clothing is that i'm officially a size and a half smaller than i was over the summer (and yes, half a size counts).
i got an unexpected call today. i wasn't expecting to talk to him for a really long time. i care about him a lot, i know that. that gets proven to me each time i try to defensively divorce myself from feeling anything at all about the entire situation. suddenly, then, with a phone call, it's back and i'm feeling again and i'm wondering again what's going on. the point is, i wish things were easier. i wish it was just a matter of being honest with someone and getting honesty in return. i wish that everything was ok. maybe it will be someday. but i guess right now i just have to deal.
(also, i just got into a stupid, ridiculous, middle-of-the-night argument with andy about nothing, which i think escalated mostly because i told him to stop freezing me to death with the door open and the air on. this has been an awesome day, that's for damn sure.)
(also also, this blog did a complete 180 towards the end. sorry guys.)
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