wishful drinking

at work, this man railed on me for a really long time about something over which i had no control, and kept at it despite my many attempts to tell him i couldn't help him (and i was being way nice). after about ten minutes (which, although it doesn't sound very long, is much, much longer than the average call in the phone room), i turned off the microphone on my headset so i could tell my co-worker how insane the whole situation was. i could still hear the caller going on and on about how sending out emails and not physical announcements through the mail was a terrible, terrible offense and how dare i and all this other bullshit that would have made me feel really bad for him if he wasn't being a demon to me for no reason, but he couldn't hear me. i eventually stopped laughing with my co-worker and started saying leading things like "yeah, i know," and "i understand," and "uh huh," and then he hung up on me way abruptly, with one those statement-making, "you should definitely rethink how you conduct business." it was only after that that i realized i had forgotten to turn my microphone back on, and that he had been talking to himself, and not hearing my responses, for at least four minutes before hanging up. it was amazing.

i'm not at all a fan of bureaucracy (in fact, if last week was any indication, ridiculous run-arounds are the easiest way to make me burst into tears), but i don't shoot the messenger. i have never in my life tried to pointedly degrade a salesperson or anyone else who was helping me do something because i was frustrated or angry. and being on the receiving end of that frustration is really sad and upsetting sometimes. i sat there listening to this dude just chew me apart for fifteen minutes, and was really tempted to just curtly tell him i couldn't help him and hang up, because nothing was being accomplished and it's not really my job to be a victim of some dude's need to vent.

in other news, i'm going to see carrie fisher (of "star wars" fame) perform her one-woman show "wishful drinking" in westwood tonight with udeitha. it's almost finals week, but i'm allowing myself two hours of class-less entertainment because i got an A on my second anthro paper and it's kinda awesome how much that has restored my confidence in my ability to succeed in school. i didn't realize how much my lack of motivation was tied to the fact that i'd gotten a shitty grade on the first paper. that's how i function, as ridiculous as that is, and that is also why i systematically screwed myself in calculus in high school. if i don't perform well, i get all crazy with self-doubt and i start to think that lots of things are way overwhelming or impossible. it's so amazing to me how much more confident about studying for finals i am.