shame on me

there's a terrible thing i do and i'm not even sure i want to post about it because it makes me seem like a beast. however, i feel i must post about this because i just caught myself doing it and in order to try to stop myself from doing this in the future, maybe i should publicly shame myself. so here goes: i look at pictures of people i knew a long time ago and revel in how different they look. and by different, i mean worse. obviously, i am/was jealous of these people in some way, shape or form, and by finding joy in their degradation i am feeding my ego. that's for sure. but that's awful, don't you think? when people go to college and gain fifteen pounds their first year, i laugh at them. when i see hideous pictures floating around, i'm filled with glee. it makes me feel more normal to know that other people, people i'm secretly envious of, gain weight or look terrible or aren't flattered by every camera angle. it makes them just like me. and if they're just like me, i don't have to be jealous of them.

girls are bitches.

ALSO, i'm a shitty vegan.

i'm really good at not eating meat and milk and cheese, but i'm really not good at refusing to wear leathery things that are just as exploitative to animals as the foods i don't eat. for instance, right how, i'm wearing leather sandals, carrying a leather bag (which, in my defense, i assumed was vinyl because i bought it for way cheap at target), and i have a leather cuff from the county fair on my wrist. i got it when i was volunteering at the "tide pool cruiser," a truck that had a mobile tide pool in its bed.

at my dental appointment last week, the assistant pointed to the letters embossed on the cuff and said, "oh, bread! like the band, right?" i agreed because i have indeed listened to bread before and i'll admit to copying my dad's "greatest hits" cd onto my itunes playlist, but the word on the cuff has nothing to do with the band, really. it does, however, have everything to do with the fact that i love to stuff loaves of delicious carbs into my face all the time. that's a habit i formed when i stopped eating meat twelve years ago.

which brings us full circle, back to the fact that while i am disgusted by the thought of consuming animals, i'm apparently totally fine with wearing them on my feet, shoulders, and wrist.

i'm a shitty vegan.