welcoming another year of craze

new year's eve was fun. actually, i want to be more specific and am too lazy/secretive to give you all the details, so i'll just describe various phases of the night using adjectives. last night was: fun, funny, horribly awkward, hilarious, disappointing, fun again. basically, it was a microcausm for my life. so, if there really is truth to the idea that how you spend your new year's eve reflects how your year will be, my year will be exactly like all the previous ones. my hope for normality is lost.

i didn't make any resolutions (except, i guess, for normality, but that's kinda a constant pipedream of mine, so it's not particularly tied to the new year). i'm going to carry over my desired changes from last year into this one. i'm going to keep working on myself and learn how to stick up for myself and try to understand that i'm deserving of good things. that sounds pathetic. what i mean is that i need to up the self-esteem, and i think i'm getting much, much better about that, even though i'll admit i still have a long way to go. a lot of things happened this past year that illuminate for me everything i need to change about myself. my self image was such a huge deal to me last year that i consider my accutane prescription to be by far one of the most important things that happened to me. i want to be less (negatively) self-obsessed, and the only way to do that is to actively change how i view myself and other people. yeah, so maybe i do have some resolutions.

my left shoulder is officially un-socketed, because i can't move it certain normal ways and can move it in other, much more unnatural ways. i don't really know where one goes to get one's shoulder popped back into place. i also don't really know how this isn't hurting me like i'd assume an un-socketed shoulder would. it's just mildly uncomfortable and prevents me from going anything special with my hair (as if that's a new development), because i can't really reach up and behind my head.

i need to start sleeping.