bookstore

right before i came into work this morning, i wandered into the bookstore (always dangerous), and bought a new copy of "everything is illuminated" because it's possibly one of the best books i've ever read and i let someone borrow my old copy and never got it back. i can't remember who has it, and i kinda don't care, as long as they're enjoying it. it's so fabulous. (you should check it out). i'm really excited to read it again. because i am a fat dork. jonathan safran foer wrote that book when he was twenty-three, which is something that makes me want to fly into a terrible jealous rage.

the last book i read was "memories of my melancholy whores" by gabriel garcia marquez, and i listed that on match.com with the explanation that i'd liked it so much, i'd read it all in a day. some guy sent me a message that read: "if you want to brag about reading a book in a day, it probably shouldn't be one that's only a hundred pages and less than six inches long." i considered responding with an "i know what else is less than six inches long" joke, but decided that, if anything, i should say, "if you want to mack on a twenty year old, you probably shouldn't be thirty-six."

match.com revisited

i'm now going to share with you the pictures i posted on match.com. i feel i must do this in order to emphasize the ridiculousness of a message i just received from some little, harmless-looking dude on the website.







what was the message, you ask? "you're hot." i'm tempted to reply with, "actually, fine sir, i am not hot. and definitely not in these pictures. please consult your opthamologist."

in other news, mad and i made cookies ten minutes ago from an instant mix we were really excited about, only to discover that they taste like buttered popcorn, which is never a good cookie taste. it was really disappointing.


*mad just made me a profile on the onion's personals page by lifting a terrible picture of me off of facebook and taking my personality quiz for me. i think it's fabulous that she's taken it upon herself to get involved in online dating websites, even if it's only to irritate me.

match.com

the concrete at school is very, very shiny when it's sunny and beautiful outside, because it's been shellac'd. this makes for pretty quads and walkways when the days are nice, but on rainy days, like today, it is terrifying to walk around campus. i was forced to walk on the brick inlays as much as i could, for some kind of traction. i hate that.

i've decided that i love online personals. love them. i've already discussed how i created studentlove.com and match.com profiles in fits of craze in the middle of the night last week, but i don't think i've yet mentioned how amazing they are. i haven't done anything on match.com, with the exception of creating the most insane profile of all time, and i've been viewed 200 times in the past two days. obviously, i'm expecting absolutely nothing from a 38-year-old plastic surgeon from florida, but it's way hilarious to read the messages i get, especially those trying to dissect the ridiculous name i gave myself. my three-day free subscription ends tomorrow, and i'm going to be very, very sad when that happens. how else will i distract myself from my real life?

my fundamentals of learning and behavior midterm was this afternoon, and i think i did fine. it was so tropical in the lecture hall that my glasses fogged up. seriously.

i'm currently waiting for a call from lina, in response to my message that i have to cancel on her tonight. i hate having to do that. we were supposed to go see another free movie at melnitz, but i got a totally unexpected phone call from my great-aunt, who is down in westwood, and who had already made dinner reservations. i'm really excited to see her, but i feel shiesty for bailing on lina. sad.

byob

my mom loves holidays. that's part of the reason why my totally agnostic family celebrates every religious holiday known to man. yesterday, she handed me a pink and red valentine's day basket-o'-goodies because she assumed she wouldn't see me before february 14th (she doesn't know that i'm coming home on thursday night for my last accutane appointment). inside, there was a magnetic sheet, covered in shoes, pants, two different heads, and a super hero costume emblazoned with "super guy" across the chest. it's a "build your own boyfriend" gag gift from my super sensitive mother. i asked andy to build me a boyfriend, and this is what i got:



i guess i'm spending the 14th with village person #4.

i protest

the protest was way amazing. there were thousands of people and it felt really, really good to be out showing support for something i believe strongly about. it's so hard to put into words how it feels to be surrounded by people who feel the same way i do.

some random man took a picture of me when i wasn't paying attention, which was hugely creepy considering i wasn't (yet) holding a sign and there was nothing interesting behind me. the dude just wanted a picture of me, i guess, and that's way bizarre.

here are some pictures from this afternoon. my camera is a huge piece of crap, but hopefully, you get the idea.











this one's my favorite:

dr. shil

i'm about to go to downtown with my entire family for a peace protest in front of the federal court house. i've never been to one, and my mother, who has been to several and lives for this, is super excited that i've finally decided to part ways with my incredible apathy. i think it will be a way interesting experience, at the very least. i'll have some stories when i get back.

elona and i went out to lunch yesterday afternoon, and i told her how strange i think it is that every single person in my life has a significant other. no one believes me when i say that, but it's true and it's bizarre. elona told me that "it's sad," but i'm going to pretend that she didn't because it's not sad for me. i'm having a really good time, and am only slightly annoyed that no one's going to be free on valentine's day to eat ice cream with me and watch "ghost."

last night, i worked in ackerman at one of the two dollar movies. julie and i had to sit in this crazy uncomfortable portable booth for four hours, which was really pleasant. at one point, one of the girls who was taking tickets at the door, and who doesn't work with us, handed me a note through the little hole at the bottom of the glass window in the booth. it read, and i'm quoting here because i saved the piece of paper just for this, "if the bum relaxing by the telephones has money to buy a ticket, should we allow him to? our peers won't be too happy when the stench pervades the ballroom." this was after she yelled about how much he smelled when he was in the room. julie and i didn't respond to the note at all, and, twenty minutes later when the homeless man came over to buy a ticket, he did indeed have two dollars, and i sold him a ticket. i don't pretend to be mother theresa, but come on, dude. that was probably the most demonic thing i've seen happen in a long time.

after i got home from work, my life was pretty much a repeat of the night before, with mad and i watching the tyra banks show on oxygen and eating gross old food we found around the apartment at 2 am. i also tried to sign myself up for another online dating website, match.com this time, but was foiled by the $161 price tag. i'm not about to pay that much money (or any, for that matter) so that i can giggle over some crazy peoples' profiles. so, now, i have even more reason to dislike dr. phil, who i was surprised to find endorses online personals when he's not talking all slow and being bald.

double-churned

i just accomplished some truly amazing things (none of which were academic). i created a profile on studentlove.com because i think that online personal ads are hysterical. i searched for "males from 18-35 with 25 miles" of westwood, and found twelve people. twelve. i guess i'm not going to be able to spy on too many locals. sad. and, i ate the last of andy's double-churned vanilla bean ice cream on the couch with mad while watching the tyra banks show (currently still in progress).

tyra banks is awesome. so totally awesome. she's like dr. phil, except she knows that she has no idea what the hell she's talking about. i guess that's commendable.

also, i definitely think the "addiction specialist" tyra invited to the show is more reliable now that he's referred to weed as "cannabis." good work, good sir.

mad had some wonderful insight into silver hoop earrings. "are silver hoop earrings coming back?" she asked me five seconds ago. "lisa rinna was wearing them, and now this girl is." i told her that i don't think that lisa rinna and a really inarticulate "cannabis addict" on the tyra banks show are fashion icons. at least not the kind of fashion icons divas like us should look up to.

backpacking

right now, i'm sitting in one of the psych computer labs, hoping to waste away the remaining forty minutes until my next lecture. i've already studied outside in the sunshine, run into mad, and finished my reading while drinking a chai latte. so, here i am, blogging, surrounded by people who are actually getting things accomplished.

yesterday, i had to break down and buy a real backpack, because the single strap on my giant blue pleather bag ripped off the instant i stepped off the shuttle and onto campus at 9 am, right as the longest day in recorded history began. as much as i really loved having to keep a deathly vicelike grip on the top of the bag for most of the day, i figured it was time to do my back a favor and start putting my books in something that would not cripple me at the age of twenty-five. and, because i'm secretly still in kindergarten, i bought a way crazy patterned backpack that only serves to make me feel more like i'm back in high school than a simple black one would have. when i get home, i'm going to post a picture of it, because it's that amazing.

i talked to my dad just now, because i got voicemails from both my parents last night, and i know that anytime my dad places a phone call, they're bringing out the big guns. in all seriousness, i do feel bad that i almost never call him, because i talk to my mom all the damn time. i told him that some of my classes are super ambigious and weird about information presentation, and he told me i should send him some of the material so that he could help me out with my studying, which is the equivalent of me telling clay that i would love to play that computer game with him after i'm done reorganizing my shoe collection and planning my quail hunt. basically, it'll never happen.

mina, a fellow psych major (who is technically psychbio and who is heading to med school, thereby making him far cooler than i am), just told me that he thinks that 70% of the people he knows are crazy. that's probably really true, and i think he should revel in it, because surrounding yourself with interesting people is what makes life exciting. and, if all else fails, you can always start a blog.

estaba yo!

a tidbit from yesterday: at baja, where i did in fact get some food, i was summoned to the register by one of the women who work there, and was in the middle of telling her what i wanted when this hugely crazy man ran right up to me and yelled in my face, with a finger pointed at my chest, "estaba yo!" apparently, even though he'd been sitting at a table slightly away from the registers, he had been in line ahead of me. now, whenever anyone pisses me off or does something rude or terrible, i'm going to get right in their faces and scream, "estaba yo!"

today was ok. it was neither shitty or fabulous, and no crazy person said anything remotely ridiculous or incredible to me, and that's kinda unfortunate. i did, however, manage to "lose" my glasses and my fundamentals of learning and behavior notebook in a dramatic episode this afternoon right before my lecture, a lecture i ended up skipping initially because i wasn't able to see the powerpoint and later because after all the campus trekking i did to relocate my spectacles, i'd already missed a half hour and there was nowhere to sit in the lecture hall (also, i was over it).

i went on my first "date" with andy, to shamshiri, this amazing persian restaurant in westwood. there's another one in the valley, where my aunt took me a few times when i was working for her in the office, and i fell in love with it because basmati rice + vegetables cooked in tomato soup = delicious. i think i just gained around ten pounds, and it was totally worth it. and, yes, it was nice to hang out with andy outside of the apartment, even though all we did was talk about school anyway.

my nose is all sniffly and my eyes are dry and itchy all the time (even though i haven't worn my contacts in almost a week, and any irritation from that should have already normalized). i think it's allergies, but that's never been a problem for me, and i'm not a doctor, so i can't be sure. besides, allergies have always been sam's thing, and i would hate to steal his glory.

i like nothing-fights. they distract me from what i actually need to be freaking out about.

i'm having a really hard time remembering the differences between conditioned and unconditioned stimuli, even though i've learned it about five million times. and every time i reread the definitions, i can't believe that i'd be able to forget such a simple difference. then again, i am the same person who can't remember if she's near-sighted or far-sighted. what i'm saying is that i'm pretty much just awesome.

and i think it may be time to lay in my bed, considering i just sank down into my terribly uncomfortable, wobbly office chair, with my computer on my lap, and tried to doze. that's dangerous and stupid, so i'm going to put the laptop down and go to sleep.

eli whitney

this morning, as i was sitting in the second of my two morning sections, my TA had us introduce ourselves and tell her what our favorite books are. the introductions were going just fine until someone said the best thing i have ever heard:

"my favorite book is 'night' by eli whitney."

for all of you who don't know, "night" is about a man's experiences in a concentration camp, and how those experiences changed his life. that being said, unfortunately, eli whitney invented the cotton gin, and missed the holocaust by about 150 years. i'm going to assume she meant "elie wiesel."

i'm super hungry right now, but i'm not allowing myself to eat anything until i get baja, whenever that may be. i'm going to get a burrito, cut it in half and have food for two days. that sounds foul, but i'm in college, and thereby allowed to be this way. i'll stop trying to maximize my three dollar baja burritos when i have the time, energy, and money to make myself three course meals all the time. speaking of meals, i need to start eating more of them and stop grazing all damn day, because then i'm constantly eating and am never full and i start to feel like i do right now, which is out of control.

"i have a heart on for you"

last night, i hung out with udeitha and accomplished several amazing things:

1) udeitha recommended some delicious tofu at whole foods, and now i have a brand new, scrumptious, healthy obsession.

2) we ate some fab creme brulee at a pastry place, and talked a lot about our new confidence (again).

3) we went to "aahhs" and checked out all the "18 and over" valentine's day stuff, which gave me lots of ideas about gifts to give my friends (andy's getting the 52-position deck of cards and perhaps the condom-on-a-stick, complete with the witty "i have a heart on for you" label).

4) i finally got to see "snakes on a plane," a movie that even denis refused to see with me, which was super irritating, considering he forced me to watch "i, robot" - to this day, one of the worst movies i have ever seen.

5) on the way home, after udeitha forced her friend to give me a ride, we listened to "ice ice baby" and "cotton eye joe" one after the other, and i'm still not entirely sure if there's anything better than that.

i'm currently listening to lots of stevie wonder, and thinking about how i turned into victoria beckham. i'm not referring to her adorable, spice girl phase. this is more exactly like her current smile-less skeletor incarnation. observe:



true, the mac photobooth effects contribute to the craziness, but it is still the most frightening thing i've seen in a while.

i talked to melissa for about an hour and a half on the phone tonight, about our respective insanities, which were incredibly similar. it's strange to me that after knowing her for close to twenty years, i'm just now starting to actually get to know her. we totally lost touch in middle school and high school, and i think it's sort of great to find out that we are still really compatible as friends.

i have class at 8 am tomorrow morning, but i'm not tired, so i foresee getting zero sleep tonight. yipee.

haircut

i've been really bad about posting so far this month. i guess nothing too exciting has happened recently - just school and a little bit of work and cutting all my hair off.



to counter how bad i've been about posting, i've been really good about the following things: reading for class, which impresses me; eating lots of peanut butter; buying things; sticking up for myself (if only in my own head); seeing lots of movies for very little money.

i'm going to read some textbooks and try not to cry about how my brand-new printer has suddenly decided not to work. i think i have some sort of crazy electromagnetic force field around me that causes all my electronic devices to explode. it happens too frequently for it to be anything other than that.

never ceases to amaze

so, because my life never ceases to amaze me, a story:

tonight, i was walking back from seeing "catch and release" for free at melnitz (who doesn't adore jennifer garner?), and talking to my mom on the phone. i had just finished buying lots of hair stuff to aid in the taming of my new, way short haircut. i wasn't wearing my contacts or glasses, and accidentally kept extended eye contact with a guy on a bike as i crossed the street. as i waited at the next intersection, the very same guy rode up to me holding out a small piece of paper, waving it around, saying, "excuse me! excuse me!" i assumed i'd dropped something, as i was juggling a cvs bag, my phone, and a giant blue pleather purse-bag-sack. i was also talking on the phone and wandering through a lense-less world of blur and fuzz, so i wasn't really all that aware of my surroundings. i said, "thank you," before i had even seen the paper, which turned out to be a business card, presumably his. the business card would have been weird enough, because no one "flyers" on westwood boulevard at 10:30 pm, and definitely not for their handmade toy business. alas, that is not the end of the story. it all came together when he said, and i quote, "if you ever get lonely, i could keep you company."

nice.

sorry, bitch

apparently, i am not allowed to post anything about any emotions andy might have about the possibility of dating me. sorry, bitch.

i went home yesterday to vote for my mom, who was running to be a delegate at california's democratic conventions. she won, and is understandably excited. we went to see a movie late last night, because i forced her to. she makes me feel guilty most of the time because i don't make time for her when i'm home (which implies that she's not totally busy all the time, and that implication is false).

my dad told me, on the drive back to westwood this afternoon, that guys will think i'm disgusting if i get my nose pierced. they will think, he says, "does she have to stick her finger in her nose?" he also informed me that men will not be looking at my eyes when they talk to me because they will be so interested in dissecting all the many ways i clean the piercing. yeah, apparently he's really against my piercing my face.

i took clay shopping for new jeans yesterday, and decided that if child psychology or poet laureate falls through, i'm going to be a personal shopper. i kinda can't handle shopping for myself, but throwing eighteen pairs of pants at my brother was really fun.

time to listen to "love" and "wish you had some," according to andy, who is lurking over my shoulder like a total creep.

food, the beatles, shock and awe

in the past 24 hours, i haven't consumed any food from my apartment. it's all been from restaurants, and now i feel disgusting. and poor.

i went to lunch with udeitha in santa monica this afternoon at a crepe place. i had a really awesome vegetable sandwich, something that is a truly rare find, even in los angeles, where everyone is a "vegetarian". and then i had dinner with andy and our friend matt at cpk. i asked andy if we could date without being interested in each other, and no one has ever looked at me with as much shock, awe and horror as he did when i'd finished my question. i basically just want to force him to go check out new restaurants with me, because simply living in the same apartment and breathing the same air is not the same as hanging out.

i bought the new beatles "love" album today, and of course, i love it, because the beatles created my favorite music in the universe. i'm seriously debating spending $137.50 on a ticket for the cirque du soleil show in las vegas. i mean, assuming i can rope someone else into going with me.

powerpuff girl

udeitha came over last night, and we shared winter break adventures. hers were more exciting because she spent weeks in india, and i just had some drama at home, but she made me feel like my stories were good regardless. she brought me back some jewels, and that was very nice of her. we talked a lot about how we're both feeling really focused and confident and "glowy" so far this quarter. it was a much different conversation than the last time she came over and had a deep talk with me. i have to figure out a way to extend this feeling of power and confidence and self-assurance, because it's totally awesome and definitely appreciated.

i read a lot in my adolescent development textbook this morning, and was way proud of myself. i also did laundry, and sniffed out a mini washing machine fire, which was exciting and annoying at the same time, because i had to move my clothes to another dryer, thus wasting another $1.50 in precious, precious quarters.

i had coffee with lina, because that's what we do, and i was once again struck by how lucky i am to have people in my life that i absolutely adore. i felt like this last friday, after the "incident" that prompted me to take inventory of my life and the people in it. i'm incredibly lucky, and maybe that's what's producing my intense happiness. also, i feel like i'm in control of myself for the first time in a while. i'm focused about school and feel good about how i look (crazy, burgundy hair notwithstanding) and am just generally happy. this is what stability does for me, and that's why i seek it out all the time.

bagel chips

i've been lagging on the posts, and for that, i apologize. i've been busy starting classes and walking around everywhere and eating an entire bag of sea-salted bagel chips (a bag which i am about to vanquish right now). i'm going to have dinner with udeitha in a few hours, but the only food i had today was a blueberry muffin at 8 am with joey, and i'm not yet fully used to the whole, i-don't-eat-at-college thing again.

i know that i wrote the other day that my life was devoid of normalcy, and maybe the sheer fact that something happens every two weeks to illustrate that to me is proof that i do indeed lack life stability, but right this instant, i am totally content. i'm completely ok. it took me about twelve hours to get over the shitty situation i was a part of last week, and now i am normalized (to a certain, realistic point, at least). i'm truly not hurt by what happened in the slightest, which is either really mature of me, or really stupid. i'll go with mature. i finally have the definition i wanted, and there's nothing i appreciate more than being told honestly what the hell is going on.

oh, and i succeeded in dying my hair the craziest color known to mankind. it's a burgundy color, and is crazy.

dicksperience

this morning, i had two discussion sections, one at 8 am and one at 9 am. i went to both, and both were cancelled. neither TA sent out an email or anything, so all the people in the sections showed up and waited. it was so awesome i almost can't put it into words. the most awesome part is that i don't have class again today until 3, so i was up and on campus at 7:45 this morning for absolutely no reason. i was also really schleppy and gross, because i got up way early and was really not interested in looking adorable. of course, because i was disgusting, i ran into lots of people. that's how it goes. it's nice now, though, that even when i'm wearing stupid clothes and am visibly sleepy i can still look far more decent than i used to, pre-accutane. i look stupid and sleepy, but i don't look like a leper anymore, which is positive.

last night, andy tried to break into the bathroom while i was showering because i refused to tell him and mad about my "dicksperiences" (i would elaborate, but is that really necessary?). apparently, he wouldn't be a very good thief, because he couldn't jimmy open the lock with a bobby pin. maybe that only works in movies.

i bought yet another box of hair dye. i'm gonna try it again.

i should probably go to sleep or something until my next class, considering i'm way tired, but i think that that would have only worked at 8:30 and now i'm too awake to go back to bed. maybe i'll just watch some shitty tv for a while. i don't get to do that very often.

"whatever you do! don't!"

i spent last night at claire's. i ate some really good tofu and drank a few glasses of wine and got way sleepy really early. that probably has more to do with the fact that i got four hours of sleep on friday night (post-drama) and very little to do with the vino.

i have to work at noon, so i have an hour at the apartment right now. i'm drinking peppermint tea and waiting for my various electronic devices to charge. both my phone and my ipod ran out of battery on the walk home from claire's this morning, so the walk was torturously boring. i hate being in public when i'm half awake and feeling gross. i guess it's good that it's sunday and no one was walking around at 9 am.

i rediscovered shania twain the other day. i found an old, beat up cd in my room after the massive cleaning. there's not much to that story, except that i realized that she really, really enjoys exclamation marks. some song titles include, "man! i feel like a woman!", "whatever you do! don't!", "if you wanna touch her! ask!", and "rock this country!" someone's excited.

today, i'm going to buy my books, and spend far too much money on texts i won't really care about. awesome.

even though it was a few days ago, and i told myself that all i needed was to separate myself from the situation by time, i'm still so confused about how it imploded like it did. actually, no. i know exactly why it happened. what i mean is that i'm disappointed that i couldn't make it work. i'm confused about how i failed to stop it from imploding.

classes start tomorrow and that couldn't be better for me.

exhausted

last night, i wrote this terrible angry and sad post about what was quite possibly one of the most dramatic and humiliating nights i've had in a long time (possibly ever). the plan was to get it all out and then just save the entry for myself for however long i felt i needed to keep it around. instead, i accidentally posted it for about 30 minutes, and then immediately took it down when i realized how unnecessary doing that was. i was cryptic enough that very few people would even know what i was talking about in the first place, so it just seemed sorta ridiculous to share the story with the universe. and, i'm exhausted and drained and about to leave the apartment for work (i'm in westwood, which couldn't be better timing, seriously), so i'm not going to dwell. i can't wait to start my life here again and get caught up in the flying squirrel and food not bombs (which i'm going to try to do weekly now, because i can) and people here and all the craziness of school. i couldn't be more ready to get this life back.

also, i want to focus on the positive. what i learned in the wee hours of this morning, after a week-long emotional battle turned briefly physical, is that i have great friends who give me love and respect and coffee ice cream when i'm upset, and i think that's pretty much all anyone could ask for.

(thank you, d.)

argh

i had coffee with shiza tonight, and i'm so tempted to call her right now and tell her how much i appreciate her. i've had a crazy few days and she was so understanding and amazing about it all. she didn't tell me i was being stupid or making a mistake - she just totally understood and made me feel infinitely better about my current situation. i guess that's what you get when you've known someone for over a decade. it's just so nice to have that.

the lab lost my blood test results yesterday, so, once again, i couldn't get my prescription filled after my dermatologist appointment. it's really amazing to me that every month there is yet another bullshit reason why i can't get the medication. i ended up being horribly bitchy to a woman at the draw station (where i had to go to speak to someone in person because numerous calls from the doctor's office weren't accomplishing anything). i felt badly about it, but i'm so tired of the run around with this drug. also, she told me that the draw station had me listed under the completely wrong doctor, and that made me really angry because i haven't had my blood tested for that office in nine months. all my most recent tests have been sent to the correct doctor, and i cannot stand random incompetence. it makes me wonder what made this month my lucky one.

various other things have happened recently (like lunch with my grandma and aunt and ice skating with alanna and a "cold mountain" viewing that made me really incredibly sad), but i'll save that for later because i just ate and i'm comatose.

welcoming another year of craze

new year's eve was fun. actually, i want to be more specific and am too lazy/secretive to give you all the details, so i'll just describe various phases of the night using adjectives. last night was: fun, funny, horribly awkward, hilarious, disappointing, fun again. basically, it was a microcausm for my life. so, if there really is truth to the idea that how you spend your new year's eve reflects how your year will be, my year will be exactly like all the previous ones. my hope for normality is lost.

i didn't make any resolutions (except, i guess, for normality, but that's kinda a constant pipedream of mine, so it's not particularly tied to the new year). i'm going to carry over my desired changes from last year into this one. i'm going to keep working on myself and learn how to stick up for myself and try to understand that i'm deserving of good things. that sounds pathetic. what i mean is that i need to up the self-esteem, and i think i'm getting much, much better about that, even though i'll admit i still have a long way to go. a lot of things happened this past year that illuminate for me everything i need to change about myself. my self image was such a huge deal to me last year that i consider my accutane prescription to be by far one of the most important things that happened to me. i want to be less (negatively) self-obsessed, and the only way to do that is to actively change how i view myself and other people. yeah, so maybe i do have some resolutions.

my left shoulder is officially un-socketed, because i can't move it certain normal ways and can move it in other, much more unnatural ways. i don't really know where one goes to get one's shoulder popped back into place. i also don't really know how this isn't hurting me like i'd assume an un-socketed shoulder would. it's just mildly uncomfortable and prevents me from going anything special with my hair (as if that's a new development), because i can't really reach up and behind my head.

i need to start sleeping.