clay

i'm reading "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius" right now, in between doing a shitload of reading for school, and catching up in all my classes before finals start. and it is incredible. i bought it on a whim the other day, when i was left with some time to wander in the bookstore in ackerman (i've already discussed the dangers of my doing that). i want everyone to read it, so i'm not going to say anything about the details, and will just say that the author writes about his relationship with his much-younger brother. and while he must actually raise his brother and be responsible for him (and i don't have that with clay), every time i open that book, i feel so similar to him, because he feels such a sense of duty to protect this little kid from everything. i'm so glad i'm going home tonight, because reading this book has made me want to hang out with clay and see how fabulous he's doing. i love him so much. he's the first person i ever realized i could die for. do you have anyone like that? when that happened, when i knew that if there was a choice, it would be me and never him, that's when i started feeling about clay how i assume dave eggers feels about his brother. an overwhelming sense of responsibility for this little person, like what a parent must feel. i know that sounds ridiculous. i'm ok with sounding ridiculous.

i'm going home tonight because denis is home for his spring break, and apparently, there will be a beach house visit tomorrow. i probably should have gone home last night, to maximize my time at home, because i don't have class today, and because i'm going to have to come back down here tomorrow night in time to go to church with camden and udeitha on sunday morning (i need to write a paper about a religious service i am unfamiliar with). as it is, though, i'll spend tonight with my fam, and tomorrow with denis and weil and possibly brent, and can pretend for a day and a half that i'm out of school and don't have to worry about the four finals i still have looming over me.