jesters and douche bags

it's been almost a month since i posted something, which is really a very good indication of what my life's been like recently. there haven't really been any good crazy stories (until this past week, hence the blog), and i haven't felt like sharing all the mundane details of life as a terribly boring busy college student. however, last night i was inspired:

i went home for my mom's democratic club halloween party, only because the great-aunts wanted me to keep them company, and because i wanted to see what my house looked like this year (as my dad goes all-out with fan motors and monster masks). the party was a fundraiser for a new show the club has on the local public access channel, and each person was asked to sign in and make a donation at the front door. a man taking the donations actually stopped me from entering the house until i said, "i live here," and barrelled past him. that immediately put me in a super bizarre mood. it's strange enough to come home from LA every once and a while and see how tall clay's gotten and how well life continues there now that i'm not really a part of it, but it was even more insane to be physically denied entrance to the place i grew up. i was, however, about forty years younger than everyone and wasn't wearing a costume, so maybe he just assumed i was there for the booze (i was).

the aunts and i didn't spend much time at the party, because it was crowded and someone fainted and had to be taken away in an ambulance (after much screaming about finding the landline and calling 911), but the time i was there was like something out of the twilight zone. my house was packed with elderly women* in jester costumes, and no one knew who the hell i was, so i kept getting "why are you here?" looks from ninjas and flappers. i was literally a stranger in my own (very, very creepy) house. there were also many leers from older men, which are super fantastic and which tie nicely with my next story.

the other night, lina and i went to study at a coffee bean in westwood, where we ended up talking outside for about an hour and a half, and being intermittently gased by some ass in a diesel volvo who periodically decided he needed to back his car into his spot just a little more. then, just as we'd shut up and started to read, a man in his late fifties came over to our table and began to ask us what we were studying, if we needed his lawyer expertise, if we would do him the favor of going out to coffee (again, i suppose) with him, because it would be really important to him. i just sat laughing about how ludricious life can be while lina tried to make him go away, until a man sitting at a table behind us called out, "maybe you should stop being such a douche." this was the first time in recorded history that another man had stuck up for us as we were being hassled by douches, and while it later proved to be a bad idea for the second dude to get involved, it made my heart glow a little. it was as if the universe finally told me that not every man, given no shame, would get into my personal space and make me hugely uncomfortable just to feel like a badass. it is here that this story becomes a long one, so i'll pare it down. let's suffice to say that the older man called security and lina and i and our unassuming textbooks were sucked into a petty fight between two guys who had nothing better to do on a tuesday night than be skeevy and start arguments. it's hard to explain, i suppose, the sheer unbelievability of that situation, but take it from me: it was pretty unbelievable.


*the one very obvious thing i've learned from all these democractic club gatherings i'm forced by my family to attend is that young people are either incredibly apathetic or totally denied membership - every single person there was at least ten years older than my mother. that's not at all a bad thing (until they start collapsing at parties), but it reflects badly on my generation, i think, for not giving enough of a damn.

corngratulations!

i came home this afternoon to take my grandma's seat at the local democratic garden party (this is the same event where my mother humiliated me last year - http://mocassinsocks.blogspot.com/2006/09/sadtown.html). even though a senator's daughter was the guest speaker and clay and i are usually very well-behaved, we couldn't handle sitting and listening for hours, and we left. (clay scribbled me a "let's see a movie" note on a luncheon program using a piece of hershey's chocolate - that's desperation.)

so anyway, clay left the table first, following shortly by me (so as to not attract too much attention as we got up and walked out of a speech by christine pelosi), and we eventually made it to the movie theather. my genius brother suggested "mr. woodcock," and because i wanted to be santa claus and make everyone's wishes come true, i didn't fight him on it (although i did say, very kindly, "are you sure there's nothing else you'd rather do?").

the movie was terrible. almost more terrible that i knew it was going to be before i bought the tickets. it was essentially a waste of time and money, and the only way clay and i are going to be able to live with ourselves is if, and i quote him, "we stay up for two extra hours tonight and do all things we should have been doing while we saw that movie." the only funny things in the film were corn puns, such as "let's go to the cornival!" and "say hello to all the corntestants!" i'll admit, i laughed at those. i like puns.

and now that we're back home and waiting for my mom to get back from the market, i have to think of ways to excuse myself from dinner here without having my parents make me feel guilty about what a horrible daughter i am.

excedrin & cold-eeze

disclaimer: i haven't been feeling 100% for a little while, and i think that's fried my brain, so i apologize for how totally incoherent this entry is.


i was up at 7 am this morning. it was a combination of having to ignore a 6:55 phone call (and subsequent voicemail) from a homeless man who has my phone number (long story) and who has called (and been ignored by) me for about a year and a half, and living below a woman who vacuums her apartment early in the morning. she has a dog who hates vacuums, so that's pleasant.

for the past few days, i've been battling a pretty impressive migraine. this morning, day three, when i could feel the headache creeping back, i overdosed on caffeine and excedrin migraine to try to keep it at bay. i then started feeling achy and shakey, which means the headache could be the forebearer of something more insidious, like a cold. so, it's only 10:45 am, and i've put enough caffeine and zinc into my body to combat migraines and viruses for the rest of my life. (note: never, ever chew a sugarfree zinc tablet.) we'll see if this works.

it seems, though, that someone is having a worse morning than i am, as there is a woman outside my window screaming, "bitch! bitch!" at someone (presuming over the phone, because i don't hear any reply). i would go peer out to see what's going on, but i don't have the energy to cross the room.

clayton

i just talked to clay on the phone and it was proven, once again, that he is the coolest little brother in the universe:

1) me: what scary movies did you rent?
clay: well, we've got "the marsh" with forest whitaker, which should be terrifying.

2) clay: your car smells like cigarettes* and mint. no, basil. basil.


*i feel it's important to note i don't smoke. there is no reason why my car should smell like cigarettes. or basil, for that matter.

work, work, work

i'm about to drive myself to campus and pay for parking for the second time today. i'm just so over having to walk back and forth between the apartment and campus to work events at all hours of the day. i decided to grin and bear the incredibly overpriced campus parking in order to spare myself the inevitable rage i feel when my entire day gets eaten up by irritating back-and-forths. besides, i have a car now, and i figure that should help facilitate my getting to the last few events i have to work (i'm not going to work at the ticket office during the school year).

today was sorta productive. as in, i went to work and then made copies of flying squirrel flyers to pass out tomorrow at an activities fair on campus. i'm hoping to trick some first-years into joining the paper, because as it is, i think i can count on about three people returning from last year. goddamn graduation.

i've been wearing the same outfit to events for the past week and a half. it's my way of sticking it to a job that makes me do hygienic* things like shave my legs and wear nice clothes.


*that is indeed how you spell "hygienic." i know. i looked it up.

:(

the hamster died on thursday. i'd taken her to the vet because she wasn't eating or drinking and her eyes were crusted shut. i was at the office for an hour, and in that time, the prognosis went from "let's clean her up and give her antibiotics" to "do you want us to euthanize her?" it was super bizarre. i know it sounds insane and little over the top to formulate conspiracy theories when your hamster dies, but the circumstances were really very strange. about a half hour after i told the vet that no, i didn't want to kill my animal, she came back with a little corpse, telling me it had died of fright while they were cleaning it. personally, i think they fucked up somehow with the medication. whatever the cause, i still had to pay them $53 for killing my adorable pet. it was awful.

today is yom kippur, and while i'm absolutely too lazy to attend temple, i like fasting. it's super difficult for me because i'm the kind of girl who will force handfuls of disgusting candy corn into my face simply because it's available and i'm bored. so, not eating for an entire day is, for me, always the sort of soul cleansing adventure it's supposed to be on yom kippur. normal people can go from sunrise to sunset without foods and be ok. it's now 11:41 AM and i'm already starving.

pannnnic (and hamsters)

i've been having a megacrisis for the last few days, and it's only getting worse. my parents desperately want me to apply to grad school this fall, to prevent me from totally fucking up my life by taking a year off. i desperately want to go to grad school and prolong my dependence on them and put off the day when i will inevitably have to grow up. my problem now is that i only have a vague idea about what i'd like to go to school for, and i have zero personal relationships with professors, and thus have zero chances for a good letter of recommendation. i think i'm afraid of being totally mediocre. i'm not a good applicant right now. so, i'm drowning my sorrows in kasha with bow ties, bowls and bowls of kasha with bow ties.

some lighter news: i bought myself a hamster on saturday, after coming back from celebrating my birthday in beverly hills with laurie. maybe i figured it was ok to spend extravagant amounts of money on a small adorable rodent to brighten up my life after seeing how much people in beverly hills pay for everything. so, i bought a hamster, and took it luke's and now he's in love with it too, which is almost as adorable as the little thing itself.