dramatown

so, i rarely (if ever) post about the specifics of any drama i may encounter, in order to protect the privacy of those involved (regardless of whether or not they'd read this), but something really infuriating happened to me today, and i feel the need to share.

a relative stranger called me a "cunt" today. i don't have a particular problem with the word and really don't care at all if this person has a problem with me, but the connotation is obvious, and he apparently feels calling me such a thing was justified. this is a guy i gave my number to weeks and weeks ago, and due to many, many different circumstances, haven't really made an effort to respond to. his way of dealing with my lack of time and interest was to send me nasty messages about what a bitchy cunt i am, which so unacceptable i really can't put it into words.

a positive thing about all of this (and it's a massive positive) is that i won't have to deal with shit like that anymore, seeing as i no longer have to talk to random dudes. i'm currently spending time with someone who is impossibly amazing. i won't go into it, in order to spare you and also to protect the abovementioned privacy of myself and others. however, i will say thank you. so, thank you, l.

off to class

i went home this weekend and it was exactly, exactly what i needed. things have been going pretty amazingly at school, so it wasn't like i needed to escape or anything, but it was definitely so wonderful to change scenery and get some time away from some of the dramatics. it also helped me completely figure out how i feel about a lot of things, as my bed at home is a good place to think. i got to see clay and alanna and hang out with melissa and get a ton of studying done and sit with my dad in the living room, listening to gershwin and thinking about how lucky i am to have what i have. all in all, it was a very good time.

i can't believe it's seventh week already, and that it's monday, and that this week is beginning already. i also can't believe that i got up early enough this morning to be ready in time for me to quickly write a blog. i haven't needed very much sleep lately.

and leah, i will. very soon. when i tell you what's been going on, you'll hate me and my empty call-promises a little less.

i'm a tease

the last couple days have been pretty crazed. i didn't write about them because i was trying to figure out what i wanted to share about them, and i've decided, sadly, to share very little. there are some things, health issues aside, that i want to keep for me. however, that doesn't stop me from wanting to tease everyone into curiosity. so, the last couple of days have been pretty crazed, and i'm more excited about recent events than i've been in a very, very long time.

last night, joel called me to ask me something about the squirrel, and that call ended with him picking me up and driving us to zuma. i haven't been in forever. we drove by spruzzo, where i haven't eaten since right after high school, and where i must eat very soon because i remembered the deliciousness of their bread. i also rediscovered that i love the ocean, even when it's dark at night and terrifying.

our mini road trip, among other things, reminded me of my need for a car here. i want to be able to just get out for a little while. i've lived here for years now, and haven't really seen anything. i suppose i could have utilized the bus system more often, but buses aren't really good for "drive until you get somewhere" adventures like the one last night.

i'm going home this weekend for mother's day, and that should be glorious. i always like going home when my life is at critical mass because i come back to school infused with the calm of my house, where i basically just think about eating backyard-firepit s'mores and hanging out with my dog (and where i probably do both of those things). i'm going to have to study while i'm there, possibly at the local library, which i discovered last finals week is actually a great place to get stuff done.

i've been feeling guilty recently about how terrible i've been at getting back to people. i just don't have time. that sounds like a cop-out, i know, but if i'm not in class or working, i'm reading for class or eating or sleeping, or driving out to malibu in the middle of the night for no reason.

graham crackers and margaritas

i just cancelled my match.com subscription. that's about the only worthwhile thing i did today. that, and laundry. i can finally start wearing normal clothes again. i ate a lot of cinnamon graham crackers, some of which i had opened last night, to let them get a little soft and stale, making them even more delicious.

i didn't wake up until 12:30 this afternoon. i don't mean that i woke up at 9 am and then rolled around in my bed for lots of hours. i actually didn't wake up until after noon. that rarely happens. i went around checking various clocks to make sure my cell phone wasn't lying to me. i had several really good dreams, though, so that was nice. and, no, i'm not telling you what they were about.

i got to talk to matt for a little while last night. i was totally incoherent and crazed with sleep, but it was fab to hear his voice and crack him up when i said at least three ridiculous things in complete seriousness. we added lots of things to "the list of things to do when matt gets back from washington," including margaritas at the alamo at 11 am on my birthday. this list already includes "watch 'dumb and dumber'" and "obesity." i want summer.

today was exactly what i needed. true, i feel gross and unproductive and a little guilty for shuffling around the apartment for entire day, but it was also fantastic.

i'm gonna go eat some real food, and get ready to hang out with claire, because it's been too long.

beer and oreos

right now, i am laying in my bed, almost physically inable to move. i worked for ten straight hours today, and came home to free time, with no idea how i was going to fill it. i decided that immediately changing out of my work clothes and into pajamas and then drinking a beer left over from last night's meeting was as good a plan as any. so, i wandered around the empty apartment in sweats, swigging out of a bottle of beer, occasionally eating an oreo and listening to new additions to my itunes playlist. i also spent some time thinking about how much darker my freshly dyed hair is than what i expected it would be. i guess spending nearly five hours in a small cider-block ticket booth at a baseball stadium after working in the phone room for five hours can really, really fry my brain. at some point, i migrated to my bed and i can't seem to get out of it. i'm just super exhausted. not having anything to do this weekend will be absolutely fabulous. that being said, i really do want to catch up with people, and maybe not spend the rest of the weekend cocoon'd in my room.

bouncy

a few months ago, i changed the password to this account because the very same day i wrote my very first demonic unpublished draft, the subject of said draft yelled at me and told me i was a terrible person. and, in my extreme narcissism, i assumed this person had snuck into my account and read this stupid rant i'd written. thus, a password change was born. however, now i'm entirely sure this person is just a sassy bitch (no fault of my own), and yet i continue to constantly use the wrong password when i try to sign in, because the new one i chose is just about as random and off-base as it could possibly be. annoying. i'm changing it back.

when i woke up this morning, i pratically bounced into the shower - i had so much energy. that almost never happens, because i'm usually lentil-eyed and crazy for at least two hours after getting up. it was especially surprising given i only got three and a half hours of sleep last night (i spent many hours eating oreos, garlic knots, sour s'ghetti, and cheeseless pizza while pretending to contribute to a flying squirrel meeting). i'm currently still bouncing around, although i can feel i'm gonna need some caffeine at some point. i think i may just be super excited that i don't have something huge and terrible looming over me, at least for this weekend.

on the way to work an hour ago, i walked by someone who smelled exactly like the inside of a mcdonald's, which, in my experience, isn't really the best way a person can smell. also, i saw some girls wearing purses and backpacks, which i really don't understand. that just seems way inconvenient. maybe i'm alone in not wanting to feel like a pack mule all the time.

dickson plaza

i almost had a panic attack last night. i haven't come close to losing it in a long time, but last night, i felt super overwhelmed and wasn't entirely sure how i was going to deal with my life. i was busy from 9 in the morning until 8:30 last night, running from class to class to meetings to work to meetings. it was way, way fun. and then i came home and had to study for a midterm i have tomorrow, because tonight will be entirely dedicated to putting the finishing touches on the next issue of the flying squirrel. this midterm is probably going to kick my ass because it's all theoretical, and for some reason, i cannot wrap my brain around it. last night, i also discovered a twenty-five page article i had to read for class this morning, and another joyous bizarre body issue to compound the one i've been suffering from since last thursday (one which forced me to make another visit to the ashe center, the happiest place on earth). i don't know. i'm just going to have to have a massive celebration tomorrow after class, when i can finally stop for two seconds and chill out (and maybe return gilmore's call from five hundred years ago).

my stomach hurts and i probably have colon cancer.

switching gears, i hate walking to campus on mondays and wednesdays because i leave my apartment at 7:30 am, and have to walk by a huge line of cars waiting to start work in the morning. these cars are full of men who stare at me, and there's seriously nothing that irritates me more (seriously, and that's a mighty claim for i am always irritated) than being totally objectified just for having a vag. i hate that. i've never understood how women think that's impressive or exciting or a fat compliment. it always makes me feel hugely uncomfortable to not be able to walk down a street without knowing that some foul dude is staring at my chest, when i'm wearing a sweatshirt, no less. i don't pretend to be a card-carrying feminist, and yeah, it's fun to feel attractive, but there is definitely a time and a place, and walking through a church parking lot at the ass crack of dawn isn't really an invitation to be whistled at.

i'm currently listening to my coworker spell "dickson plaza" over and over again, and am thanking my lucky stars that every person who has called me today has known how to spell.